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Her family’s home was in Wellesley, on a street of towering trees and sweeping lawns. Lights were on in the upstairs room of the house. Both her mother’s and father’s cars were in the garage. Ari pulled into the driveway, turned off the ignition, and sat for a moment.
She had been moving, putting miles between herself and Peter, driving fast, screaming along to the radio. Now, as the car went quiet, she felt how she was quivering inside. She was exhausted.
The porch light came on. The front door opened, and her mother stood there in her velvet robe. She was tall and slender, like Ari, with curly brown hair and large blue eyes. Ari’s father, tall and smiling, stood behind his wife.
“Ari!” her mother called.
“Hi, Mom!” She got out of the car, slammed the door shut, and stretched. Her back hurt from sitting for so long. It felt good to walk, even for the few yards to the house.
Her mother was never the lovey-dovey kind of mom who hugged and cuddled and praised everything she did. In truth, her mother was a narcissist, and Ari braced herself, because her mother was going to flip out.
Ari hugged her mother. “Hey, pretty mama. You didn’t have to wait up.”
“Hi, Dad.” She hugged her tall, unemotional father.
“What’s going on?” Ari’s mother could be scarily psychic.
“Let’s go into the living room for a moment, okay?”
“What’s wrong?” her mother asked.
Ari led the way into the living room. She didn’t want to sit down so she stood by the fireplace, crossed her arms over her chest, and said, “I broke up with Peter. I told him I don’t love him and I don’t want to marry him.”
Her mother blinked. “The wedding’s off?”
She could always count on her mother to make her laugh. “Yeah, Mom. The wedding is toast. It’s not going to happen. I’ll probably never see Peter again in my life.”
Her father crossed the room and hugged Ari. He hugged stiffly, because it wasn’t in his nature to be emotional. He was so good at saving other people’s lives and so bad at living his own. But he did hug her. “Are you all right?”
“Dad, I’m more than all right. I feel free! I’m happy, I’m out of a kind of prison—”
“What a dreadful thing to say.” Her mother sank onto the sofa. “Sit down. Let’s talk about this.”
“Mom, I’ve been sitting in the car for seven hours. Sitting doesn’t appeal to me right now. Besides, there’s not much to talk about. I gave him back his ring.”
“It was such a beautiful ring,” her mother said mournfully. “Maybe you should have waited…”
“Mom, I tried for weeks to talk to him. I’m certain he sensed how I felt, but he wouldn’t listen to me until I forced him to.”
“He must be terribly sad,” Ari’s mother said. She stood up. “I’m going to call Barbara.”
Barbara was Peter’s mother. Again Ari laughed. “Mom, don’t be ridiculous. Barbara probably hates me right now. Plus, you can’t fix it.”
“Ooooh,” her mother moaned. “This is terrible.”
“We need brandy,” her father said. He poured three generous drinks and handed them out.
“Thanks, Dad,” Ari said. She took a sip and then a gulp. The fiery liquid burned all the way down, casting an amber haze of protection around her. “Come on, Mom. It’s not the end of the world.”
Her mother drank her brandy slowly, wiping tears from her face. “I thought Peter was such a nice man. He was madly in love with you. And he was so rich.”
Ari’s father snorted. “Alicia,” he said to his wife. “For God’s sake.”
“Mom, we’re rich, too,” Ari reminded her mother.
“Not like the Andersons are rich,” Alicia said. “You could have had everything, Arianna.”
“I have everything already,” Ari said quietly. She yawned and stretched. “I’m so tired. That’s a long drive. All I want to do is sleep.”
“Then that’s what you should do,” her father said. “Go on up. I’ll bring in your luggage and leave it outside your bedroom.”
“Thanks, Dad.” She kissed his cheek. “Don’t worry, Mom. It will all be fine.” She kissed her mother’s forehead.
She left the room, crossed the hall, and went up the stairs. Her room was in shadow, the only light coming in from a high moon. She didn’t bother to brush her teeth or take off her clothes, but fell onto her bed, pulled the comforter over her, and was asleep at once.
She woke the next day at noon. Her mouth tasted vile and she was desperate to pee. She stripped off her clothes in the bathroom, brushed her teeth, and took a long hot shower, washing her hair, closing her eyes to the steam and the sensation of becoming clean, becoming new. She found yoga pants and a long blue shirt in her closet and dressed. She wanted coffee. As she descended the stairs she heard voices. Uncle Cliff was here. She groaned. She prayed her mother hadn’t called him to share Ari’s momentous news.
But when she entered the kitchen, where everyone was sitting at the long oak table, she found them all smiling.
“Darling,” her mother said. “We have the most wonderful news!”
“Hi, Uncle Cliff,” Ari said. She kissed his cheek.
Her uncle Cliff was seven years younger than her mother, and he was still a bachelor. He sold real estate in the most expensive Boston suburbs, belonged to all the most exclusive clubs, and enjoyed tennis and good wine. He was dashingly handsome and could be charming, when he wanted to be. He radiated confidence and good humor. Ari found him shallow, but likable.
“Sit down,” Ari’s mother said. “I’ll bring you some coffee and a plate. Cliff brought us pastries!”
Ari dropped into a chair. Her mother set a mug of coffee in front of her and patted Ari’s shoulder. “Just wait!”
“Uncle Cliff,” Ari said dutifully, “I’m all ears.”
Uncle Cliff cleared his throat.
“I had a business lunch yesterday with Muriel Wheeler. She is vice president of the Gold Sand Resort Company. They have hotels in Jackson Hole, Palm Springs, and Sarasota. They want a hotel in Nantucket.” He paused dramatically. “They want to buy Eleanor’s property for fifteen million dollars.”
“Dear heavens! That’s fabulous!” Ari’s mother cried, clapping her hands.
Ari asked, “But, Mom, what about Gram?”
Alicia said, “Don’t you worry about Gram. Ari, it’s like fate! Mother turns seventy on June third, and she’s invited us to Nantucket to celebrate. In the meanwhile, I’m going to check out the very best retirement homes in the area. Not on Nantucket, of course, because of their hospital. They aren’t set up to treat heart attacks and such. They have to have a helicopter fly over and take the patient to Mass General, and the trip costs sixteen thousand dollars. Besides, as she gets older, Mother will be happier here, near us. Cliff, did you get a text from Mother, too?”
“I did. I think we should all go over for a couple of days. Take cool presents. Send masses of flowers. Show up with cases of champagne.”
Ari’s father spoke up. “I’m not certain that Eleanor will want to sell her home.”
“Oh, Cliff, don’t be so negative,” Ari’s mother said. “She’s seventy. She’ll be grateful that we’re thinking of her future. She’s got to realize it’s all downhill from here.”
“Mom!” Ari cried. “That’s an awful thing to say!” Overcome with emotion, Ari pushed her chair back and stood up. “I love Gram’s house! It’s been in her family forever. It should remain in the family forever.”
“Ari, sweetie,” Uncle Cliff said, as if she were six years old, “the house is falling apart. It needs more work than Eleanor can afford. It will make her sad to sell it, but also, she’ll be relieved.”
“So relieved,” Alicia echoed.
“Well, I think you’re all terrible people. Like ghouls at a funeral and Gram isn’t even dead yet!”
Ari stomped from the room and flew up the stairs. As she went, she heard her mother say to her uncle, “Pay no attention to her. She broke her engagement to Peter yesterday. Obviously, she can’t think straight.”
Ari spent most of the day calling her friends, telling them her news. Meloni, her BFF, lived in Concord and drove to Legal Sea Foods at the Chestnut Hill mall to meet Ari for a long dinner. So Ari escaped any more arguments with her mother. At home, she talked briefly, politely, with her parents, said good night, and went to her room to watch YouTube videos on her laptop.
* * *
—
The next morning, Ari woke to the delicious aroma of coffee. It took a moment for her to realize she was not in her sorority house, but in her own bed at home, and another moment to realize her mother had brought her coffee.
She sat up, pushing a pillow behind her.
“Good morning, darling,” her mother said, handing Ari the coffee and sitting down on the bed, close to Ari. Alicia was fully clothed in a pale lavender linen dress with amethyst earrings and bracelet. Her delicate makeup brought out the lavender tones in her blue eyes.
“Mom,” Ari said. Her mother never brought her coffee. Alicia wanted something, and Ari could guess what it was. But she took the coffee and drank.
“ ‘Thank you’ would be the polite response,” her mother said.
“Thank you. The coffee is delicious. But I’m not changing my mind about Peter.”
“Really?” She put a soft hand on Ari’s arm. “Can’t you allow yourself a little time to think about it? All that you’re throwing away? Sweetie, I don’t think you understand. Many brides get cold feet before the wedding. What you’re going through i
s absolutely normal. But even though you acted rashly, I’m sure if you consider how wonderful Peter is, what an excellent life the two of you will have together, you’ll—”
“Mom, please stop. Don’t you realize I’ve considered breaking off with Peter for months? I wanted to when we were here on New Year’s Eve, but that was the wrong time—”
Alicia looked horrified. “It certainly was. That would have been cruel!”
“I know! So I didn’t do it then. In January he went skiing with his buddies, and when he got back, he was stressed-out by his classes, plus we never had any private time to talk.”
“But why break up with him? He’s such a fabulous catch!”
“No one thinks that way anymore, Mom. Peter isn’t a catch and I’m not a fisherman, fisherwoman, whatever. I don’t love Peter. I’ve always cared for him, ever since we were teenagers, but somewhere along the way I realized I don’t love him. I don’t want to spend my life with him.”
“Well, I think you’ve made a dreadful mistake!”
“Mom—”
Alicia withdrew her hand and stood up, trembling with anger. “All the things we’ve done for you, the privileged life you’ve led, and the education we’ve given you so you could do something with your life, something that would make us proud! And you want to run a daycare? For God’s sake, Arianna Eleanor Paget, you’re smarter than that! You’re better than that! I thought when you got engaged to Peter you were finally doing something right. Now you go and throw it all away!”
Ari set her mug on the bedside table. Her mother’s face was a dangerous pink. “Mom, please. It’s all right. I think teaching little children is the most important job in the world.”
“Well, I don’t! Look at what teachers get paid compared to lawyers!”
“Then things should change.”
“Oh, you think you’re going to set the world to rights, do you? You think you’re going to live in a house as nice as ours and wear nice clothes and change the world? How can you be so naïve?” Tears glittered in Alicia’s eyes.
Concerned for her mother, Ari stood up and reached out to hug her. “Mom. Mommy. It will be all right.”
Her mother shoved Ari’s arms away so quickly and angrily, it was like a slap.
“I am so ashamed of you!” her mother said. She pivoted on her heel and left the room.
Ari sank back onto her bed, hugging herself. Her mother had always had a temper, but this was unusual, and it worried Ari. Naturally, Ari had had arguments with her mother all her life, but this was different.
As worried as she was, Ari was also angry. Did her mother expect her to marry a man she didn’t love? And her mother was ashamed of her? Ari wanted to storm out of her bedroom and yell at her mother that she, Alicia, had never worked since she had married, she’d never sold an ice cream cone or baked a damn cookie or even volunteered, except for stupid clubs where all they did was hold galas. Her mother loved that sort of thing. No wonder Ari’s dad always looked so tired. Alicia was probably disappointed in her husband.
Too bad Peter couldn’t marry Ari’s mother. They’d be a perfect match.
The ridiculous thought made Ari laugh. She quickly sobered up, thinking of her parents’ marriage, which was so full of storms and distances.
* * *
—
Ari kept to her room that day. She unpacked, carried winter clothes, duffel bags, and old school books up to the attic. She had long, emotional talks with her friends on the phone. She napped. In the late afternoon, when she knew her mother would be having a little cocktail with her father, Ari pulled on running gear, slipped out of the house, and went for a run. She pushed herself, glad to focus on her muscles, breath, pace, all physical and clear. Back home, she hurriedly made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She took it and an apple up to her room. She showered, pulled on a fresh tee and boxer shorts, and ate her dinner in bed while watching a gory mystery.
At some point in the evening, her father knocked on her door.
“Come in,” she called.
He peeked his head around the door. “Just checking to see if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Just unwinding from the past month. It’s such a pleasure to eat in bed and watch junk.”
“Good, then.” Her father started to shut the door.
“Dad?” she called.
He opened the door a bit. “Yes?”
“Are you okay, Daddy?”
Her father looked surprised. “Of course I am, Ari. Don’t worry about me. I think it’s just fine that you broke your engagement with Peter. Your mother will get over it. She’ll be okay.” With a smile, he withdrew, closing the door firmly.
Ari sighed and shook her head. She could never understand why her father loved his tempestuous, irritable wife, but it was reassuring each time she was reminded that he did. Her father was such a gentle man, a brilliant surgeon, although somehow vague during the rest of his life. Perhaps he saw so much misery and illness that the rest of life with all its difficulties and stresses seemed just fine to him. Certainly Alicia was beautiful, and she could be loving and fun. Maybe her mother was less stressed, more cheerful, when she was alone with her husband.
In a few days they would all go to Nantucket. Ari was looking forward to seeing her grandmother, but dreading the moment when her mother suggested Eleanor sell the bluff house.
Three
They were all coming. Her son, her daughter and son-in-law, her granddaughter. For a moment, Eleanor was breathless. Also, slightly unsettled. When the family was here for Christmas, Alicia constantly batted away at Eleanor like a cat with a toy mouse, trying to make Eleanor agree to sell the house.
This house.
Eleanor sat on the deck, watching the sun slowly rise. The sky faded from black to the palest silver, and along the horizon, a stripe of peach appeared, reflecting in the water, which was also awaking from the dark. Then the burst of brilliant light. It was always a splendid display, and different each time.
Eleanor usually rose early, usually pulled her L.L.Bean robe on over her nightgown, and went out to the porch to watch the day break. It took longer than you would think, as if the sun were being coy or having second thoughts. Eleanor curled up on a wicker chair and admired the lawn, now freshly green with spring, the low wall of privet hedge protecting her property from the walkers’ path, the wooden landing with steps leading down to the beach, the long luxurious beach itself, and then the blue ocean, forever.
It was in her will that when she died she was to be cremated and her ashes tossed into the sea. Not that she had plans for dying soon, but it was best to be prepared.
When she died, Ari would inherit this house. Not Alicia, not Cliff. She hoped Ari was strong enough to keep the house in the family.
As if conjured up by her thoughts, Eleanor’s phone buzzed, and the caller ID announced that it was her granddaughter.
“Darling, hello,” Eleanor said. “How are you?”
“I’m good, Gram. All done with college and exams—oh, and also all done with Peter. I broke our engagement.”
“Are you all right?”
“Better than all right, Gram. I’m happy. I’m free!”
Eleanor laughed. “Good for you!”
“Yes, but poor Mom is miserable. No wedding, no parties, no new clothes. I’ve been phoning the hotel and the caterers and so on, canceling our arrangements. But I’ve stayed in my bedroom, because Mom gets so gloomy at the sight of me.”
“She’ll cheer up. It’s spring, the sun is warm, the island is waking. Also, I’ve decided that for this birthday I’m going to give presents. I know there’s some ancient silver up there that your mother would love to have, or sell.”
“Cool,” Ari said. “Gram…I was wondering…Could I live with you for the summer? I need to work and I could make good money on the island. Plus, I could do grocery shopping and chores for you, and meet guys—it would be a whole new world!”
Eleanor was so happy she thought she was going to have a heart attack. Really, why hadn’t anyone told her how emotional old age made you? Maybe what her instincts had been telling her was that something wonderful was in her future.